Ok.

So from my subject title. I feel rather hopeless. About school, uni auditons, family and personal shit.

I just don'tt know what to do besides just moving forwards. It just so slow but so fast at the same time. My head is moving too fast and its physically exhausting just thinking about it.

Sometimes I think I would have been better off getting C's and acctually practice my scales so I would have a chance of getting into music at uni. I feel so crap about this. And if I don't get in what the fuck will I do for a year? Start a band maybe? But I can't bring myself to activley seek out strangers to play with, or even go out to places to make "friends" I can't fucking function outside my head. I can't even do that now.

Oh my God.

I've done virtually no study this two week break and I know I'm gonna pay for it later.

I just don't know whats going to happen. I don't want to be stuck like this. Fearing about the future. I don't want to whore myself to people just to make friends. Not that I make friends easily or would. I'm just destined to be a cat lady. A sad old cat lady.